Lessons in life and business that may be learned from servers, waitresses, bartender/maids, exotic dancers, and hookers. Not necessarily in that order.
*** This article is not intended to be inappropriate. Will’s Universal Maxims # 2 makes the important point that you can learn from anyone. In fact, some of the greatest lessons come from the least likely sources. ***
Lesson # 1
Secure payment upfront. Anyone who has ever made a verbal agreement with someone for payment to cover work or goods has learned that without either advanced payment or binding contract you WILL LOSE.
Hookers know to demand payment upfront. They provide a service to clients. The client, for countless reasons, resorts to buying their pleasures. Negotiating the transaction for the provision of sexual interaction is, as in all negotiations, a battle of supply and demand, value, and cost. Paying upfront, in an agreed and clearly negotiated manner strips the process of the typical social strong arming and manipulation typical to the social version of the 21st century. The purveyor of the pleasures, an expert, perfected by melding innate skills, experience, and result driven learning refines their efficiency and performance. They set or negotiate their prices, the services to be rendered, guaranteed results, and time limits. Coming to same result between two potential partners in a social setting has become very complicated, costly, and often frustrating. The threat that the client will refuse payment is high. While counter intuitive, the problem is quite common. The situation is like a buffet, they make you pay upon entry. They know that after you have eaten the food, if you refuse to pay, there is no way to recover what they ate. When someone wants something, it is "at the moment". The perceived value is tied to the urgency of the moment and want (desire). The better the result, the less likely the client will pay because the urgency will have subsided. The purveyor, understanding the temporal nature of "wants", demands payment in full upfront.
Lesson # 2
Make your client feel special, treat them with respect, and exceed their expectations. Exotic dancers, if they are successful make more money in a single weekend than many people earn in a month, often more than three months. They learn that a careful balance of "friendly", "special" attentiveness, feigning "interest", the air of availability, visual allure, and fulfilling the client’s needs, while providing the minimum necessary to provide the maximum results, all in a timely and friendly manner, are the key to success. Every business and service purveyor should learn from this. Your income, stability, and job security depend upon those that you serve not only being satisfied but desiring to return, again, and again. Never over provide. A client, restaurateur and chef always said, "a good chef provides an exceptional meal, but always, just enough to leave them a little hungry, wanting more." Make them feel like they are the most important one in the room, exceed their expectations, and they will come back for more. Leaders can do the same, feed those who are with you, keep them happy, fulfilled, learning, growing, and they will follow you to the ends of the earth.
Lessons # 3
Put your client first, build a relationship, pay attention to their needs, not yours, remember special details about them upon repeat business. Shed your ego, you will receive more praise for stroking other's egos than pushing your own. Servers (waiters / waitresses) often behave like exotic dancers. Servers are working in within much tighter time constraints than exotic dancers though. The best of them strike a careful balance of "friendly interest", feigning "special" attentiveness, personalized treatment, and visual allure. The ability to remember intimate details of likes, dislikes, quirks, and habits builds a lasting "relationship" with the client. Delivered with skill and a "believable performance" creates "regulars" and increases the server's tip income. The same is true in the interaction between leaders and their subordinates. I have included a pair of quotes from President and General Dwight D. Eisenhower below where he voices similar rules.
Conclusion:
*** Warning *** Take note of these manipulative behaviors and guard yourself from them. Avoid the destructive behaviors that such manipulation precipitates. The same applies to personal and business relationships too. Caveat emptor, do not be naïve gird yourself from these methods. During every war and even in peace time, government personnel have fallen prey to such manipulation compromising national security and the security of the unit. A recent example was the “Marine officers are drugged, robbed after Bogotá pub crawl and could face charges.”
Leaders, business people, and anyone who interacts with humans should pay attention to these truisms. There are powerful lessons to be learned from their behaviors, refined skills of social persuasion, and ability to be courteous to the most difficult, flip them, make them happy, and feel special. It costs only time, but the value is often incalculable. Note I am not promoting the idea that you manipulate and lead on others. But there are many lessons about how simply being courteous and friendly, caring, and attentive will make your life and those you deal with better. All for zero cost to you but a little time paying dividends of happiness to all involved.
Men frequent bars because they are lonely, horny, or just want the company of a woman who they like, and / or are attracted to, not always one in the same. Unfortunately, they are often roped in and fleeced by a female bar maid or waitress who, realizes what earns her good tips, and simplifies her job by developing “regulars.” Many a man’s heart along with his bank account has been broken by a waitress (server), bar maid, or exotic dancer. The lucky ones simply enjoy feeling special for a moment, satisfied to remember the feeling or experience it for the first time. Women do also, but to a much lower percentage because while some men are pigs and inappropriate, woman hold the keys to the kingdom even for the lowest in the pecking order.
Leaders would be well served to adopt the aforementioned rules. If you are a good leader, with a just cause, you may begin applying these rules as going through the motions. But, in short order you will absorb them and actually “mean” the behaviors. That invokes two of President and General Dwight D. Eisenhower’s rules for leaders and life (in his words):
Rule # 1 - A pat on the back is all you need
"Reflecting on his leadership style, Eisenhower remarked, “I adopted a policy of circulating through the whole force to the full limit imposed by my physical considerations. I did my best to meet everyone from the general to private with a smile, a pat on the back and definite interest in his problems.” Eisenhower boosted morale not with inspirational speeches, but with simple, honest, straightforward conversations. Instead of handing out trophies, he gave his soldiers encouraging pats on the back. It was a humble, direct way of reaching out, and it made him a favorite of the troops.
Leaders don’t need to light fireworks to reward hard work and dedication. Honest, meaningful conversation and the occasional pat on the back are sometimes enough to keep people motivated and energized."
Rule # 2 - Be cheerful
"Eisenhower made it his business to be a positive, cheery, and upbeat. He knew optimism, like pessimism, was contagious. By remaining positive and trying to “reflect the cheerful certainty of victory” he believed he could boost individual and company morale. Leaders shouldn’t glower, whine, complain, or pout. They must demonstrate that they are excited about the larger organizational mission and work to cultivate a sense of optimism. Dour behavior from on high has the potential to incite organizational malaise that can spread like wildfire. Be like Ike and make sure your mannerisms and speech reflect a positive attitude."
